The ongoing struggle of infertility

Every month we are once again reminded of the ongoing battle to overcome the odds of our less than 1% chance to conceive naturally. We both know it can be done as we have done it before in the midst of infertility treatments. Each month we think this is going to be it. This is our month. We got this.. only to not reach our ultimate goal of conceiving another miracle. We said 2 years ago after multiple treatment failure and over $5,000.00 dollars in injected into my belly that we would not go through this again. I cannot tell you how hard it was every day to keep my shit together, not hate my body, or my husbands dumb ass sperm. Who would have thought that a surgical repair on my husband when he was a toddler would lead us to deal with male factor infertility? Answer is easy- almost no one. Also, they say the low end of normal for a sperm  count is 20million per ml. Yes, 20 million! Most men produce more than 1ml with ejaculation every time as well. We need one! ONE! Why the hell can we not get ONE the makes the trek across the cervix, into the uterus into the fallopian tube, the correct one where the egg was released to meet and start multiplying? I don't get it either. At this stage our chances are decreasing every month as I am now "advanced maternal age" if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again. I am hopeful that we will, but we struggle every month to keep faith. 

Infertility is never an easy pill to swallow. Infertility is always there.