Learning to Let go of the Story

 

January 2020 before the chaos of a pandemic really consumed our lives Dan and I decided we would focus on improving our bodies to see what that could do for our fertility. I was extremely cautious of my diet being extremely strict with being gluten-free to heal my gut and decreased the sugar intake, which meant limiting my PEPSI intake. If you know me, you know PEPSI is my favorite! Well- I did it to support Dan as we had him remove beer an alcohol to see what it did for his Sperm health. In addition, we had him on the vitamins recommended by the Fertility Urologist in 2018 prior to conceiving Liam. We went back to what gave us our first miracle in hopes that maybe it would work again and not require us to head back in for all the testing and fertility trek again. 

With all the diet changes and improvement in life we took time for each other as a couple. We appreciated all that we had, all that we had accomplished, and all that will be in the future. I was listening to one of the podcast I listen while rarely alone in the car and a young woman mentioned that in her therapy she was taught ways to learn to let go of the story. What did they mean? As a planner, I used to plan my life and plan everything out. With infertility I learned that was not an option as I was on someone else's plan. This was my biggest struggle and I shed many, many tears over this. The time I gave up complete control was in January 2018 when nothing went as planned for us with infertility treatments. However, it led to Liam, so I thought it wouldn't hurt. I worked through allowing myself to allow the story, our story, my story- to be however it is supposed to be. I let it all go... letting the universe, God, whomever is in charge allow my story to play out and hoped that included at least one more tiny miracle to join our family. 

February 2020 came with a new perspective for me and I worked on "Letting it go!" I found a sticker in a sticker pack I had bought Brielle and it was a heart balloon floating into the sky and said, "Let it go.." I placed it in my car where I could remind myself to stay in the right mindset. At the end of February I took a week off work to be home with the kids and refocus myself to be a better Boss, Nurse, Wife and Mother. I was able to enjoy time off, do some decluttering (this makes me very happy), and complete pending items I have not had time to complete in months. One of those items, was packing up "BABY" items to donate and to allow a close friend to borrow, in hopes one day we would be able to use them again. Little did I know that time was coming for us much sooner than expected. 

This is when the world took an unexpected turn into a PANDEMIC and unnecessary hoarding of varying items... and a SURPRISE miracle. Hello March 2020! 

To 2020.. The year of unexpected twist, turns, chaos and miracles.